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I\'m fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
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2013/08/29 12:47 AM |
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We\'re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
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2013/08/29 12:47 AM |
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The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
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2013/08/25 12:53 PM |
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Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
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2013/08/25 08:32 AM |
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Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
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2013/08/25 01:03 AM |
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If it wasn\'t for muscle spasms, I wouldn\'t get any exercise at all.
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2013/08/24 05:00 PM |
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We\'re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
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2013/08/24 01:14 PM |
.UPEkjiU |
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
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2013/08/24 12:51 AM |
.UPEkjiU |
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
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2013/08/24 12:32 AM |
.UPEkjiU |
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
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2013/08/23 12:29 PM |
.UPEkjiU |
The difference between \'involvement\' and \'commitment\' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was \'involved\' - the pig was \'committed\'.
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2013/08/23 09:29 AM |
.UPEkjiU |
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
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2013/08/23 12:08 AM |
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One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one\'s work is terribly important.
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2013/08/22 05:17 PM |
.UPEkjiU |
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
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2013/08/22 11:47 AM |
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The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
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2013/08/22 01:21 AM |
.UPEkjiU |
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
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2013/08/21 11:40 PM |
.UPEkjiU |
Heav\'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn\'d, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn\'d.
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2013/08/21 12:01 PM |
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Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called \'Ego\'.
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2013/08/21 10:15 AM |
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A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
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2013/08/21 12:15 AM |
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I\'ve had a wonderful time, but this wasn\'t it.
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2013/08/20 06:51 PM |
.UPEkjiU |
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
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2013/08/20 12:24 PM |
.UPEkjiU |
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
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2013/08/20 03:27 AM |
.UPEkjiU |
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we\'d have a much easier time raising money.
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2013/08/19 12:45 PM |
.UPEkjiU |
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
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2013/08/19 12:23 PM |
.UPEkjiU |
I\'m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
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2013/08/19 01:52 AM |
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But at my back I always hear Time\'s winged chariot hurrying near.
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2013/08/18 10:12 PM |
.UPEkjiU |
You got to be careful if you don\'t know where you\'re going, because you might not get there.
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2013/08/18 07:10 AM |
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Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
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2013/08/18 03:01 AM |
.UPEkjiU |
I\'m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can\'t understand is, if they don\'t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
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2013/08/17 04:07 PM |
.UPEkjiU |
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
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2013/08/17 03:27 PM |
.UPEkjiU |
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
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2013/08/17 06:46 AM |
.UPEkjiU |
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
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2013/08/17 06:43 AM |
.UPEkjiU |
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
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2013/08/16 10:26 PM |
.UPEkjiU |
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
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2013/08/16 02:35 PM |
.UPEkjiU |
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
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2013/08/16 02:35 PM |
.UPEkjiU |
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he\'ll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
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2013/08/16 06:41 AM |
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Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
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2013/08/15 10:44 PM |
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For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
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2013/08/15 10:43 PM |
.UPEkjiU |
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man\'s nose begins.
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2013/08/15 02:36 PM |
.UPEkjiU |
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
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2013/08/15 02:36 PM |
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It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
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2013/08/15 06:17 AM |
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The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there\'s no law against whacking them around a bit.
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2013/08/15 06:16 AM |
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I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
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2013/08/15 04:18 AM |
.UPEkjiU |
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
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2013/08/14 07:49 PM |
.UPEkjiU |
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
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2013/08/14 11:58 AM |
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I never forget a face, but in your case I\'ll be glad to make an exception.
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2013/08/14 04:03 AM |
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Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
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2013/08/13 08:30 PM |
.UPEkjiU |
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
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2013/08/13 08:29 PM |
.UPEkjiU |
Attention to health is life\'s greatest hindrance.
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2013/08/13 07:33 PM |
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The trouble with the Internet is that it\'s replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
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2013/08/13 11:53 AM |
.UPEkjiU |
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that\'s how dogs spend their lives.
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2013/08/13 03:28 AM |
.UPEkjiU |
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
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2013/08/12 07:30 PM |
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2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
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2013/08/12 07:30 PM |
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We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
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2013/08/12 11:45 AM |
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There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
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2013/08/12 11:45 AM |
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It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
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2013/08/12 03:35 AM |
.UPEkjiU |
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
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2013/08/11 07:43 PM |
.UPEkjiU |
We\'ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
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2013/08/11 07:43 PM |
.UPEkjiU |
Throughout American history, the government has said we\'re in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It\'s a hoax.
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2013/08/11 11:46 AM |
.UPEkjiU |
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
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2013/08/11 11:46 AM |
.UPEkjiU |
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
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2013/08/11 03:06 AM |
.UPEkjiU |
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It\'s not a truck. It\'s a series of tubes!
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2013/08/10 06:42 PM |
.UPEkjiU |
The covers of this book are too far apart.
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2013/08/10 06:41 PM |
.UPEkjiU |
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
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2013/08/10 10:32 AM |
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DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
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2013/08/10 10:32 AM |
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
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2013/08/10 02:33 AM |
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I wouldn\'t mind dying - it\'s the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
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2013/08/10 02:33 AM |
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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
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2013/08/09 06:49 PM |
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Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
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2013/08/09 06:48 PM |
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Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
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2013/08/09 04:55 PM |
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Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
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2013/08/09 04:55 PM |
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The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they\'re going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
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2013/08/09 01:05 PM |
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Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
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2013/08/09 01:05 PM |
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Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
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2013/08/09 09:05 AM |
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A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
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2013/08/08 09:53 PM |
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Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
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2013/08/08 09:53 PM |
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I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
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2013/08/08 01:56 AM |
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The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
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The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
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A hen is only an eggs way of making another egg.
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2013/07/25 10:25 PM |
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